Talk:Total Drama: Once Again
General Anyone know how to make those elimination table key things? Like instead of "Red = The person was eliminated" it will have the actual colour instead? :O Would really appreciate ot ^-^ [[User:PikeBBQ|''' I like to eat burritos. ]] [[User talk:PikeBBQ| Burritos that have food inside. ]] 02:09, July 15, 2014 (UTC) Reviews My story is horrible, I give it 0/10! D< Pikee~~ 03:08, May 4, 2014 (UTC) Favourite scenes Tips You should make pics for your characters! They sound really cool!Totaldramalego (talk) 01:24, April 21, 2014 (UTC)totaldramalego *Oh myyyy, A PERSON!!!! :O On MY fanfiction???!!! :D THANK YOU!!!!!! ^_^ Means a lot! :D But I ish horrible at art xC We shall see... >:3 Pikee~~ 03:27, April 21, 2014 (UTC) You should get the free trial of Paint Tool SAI! Then watch a vid on youtube about it and your characters are made! Totaldramalego (talk) 01:23, April 22, 2014 (UTC)totaldramalego *Oh my, it looks so advanced!! XD even with the video, my horrible art skills are gonna produce some equally horrible characters... :P Pikee~~ 12:25, April 27, 2014 (UTC) Hey Pike. So here are my thoughts and some tips. Your story isn't bad I think, and the characters aren't bad either. The biggest thing I think is that the characters are all a bit one note. They all sort of have the same personality trait and express one feeling or idea over and over again. It can make it kind of tiring to read again if everyone is kind of doing or saying the same thing. Many others (including myself) have been guilty of this same thing. Think of it like this; nice is a personality trait but doesn't make a personality. Evil is a characteristic but doesn't make a character. You do want characters with identifiable personalities, but you need to spread out their personalities about them. It can also cause the jokes to get old. Kasen likes Chef Hatchet, but that's really all she ever says. And while that joke is hilarious, it's repeated with about everything she says. You'd either need to spice it up a bit or show other traits. So she likes Chef Hatchet; does she try and cook? Does she have a crush on him? How smart is she? What are her talents? Is she confident in herself? Is she shy around new people or eager to make friends? Or Vic? Does he hate being sick? Is worried about how being sick will affect him? Is he lonely? Looking at a canon example; Lindsay is a dumb blonde, but she does a variety of things that are dumb. But she also has an interest in fashion and appearance. She also easily trusting, but never mean or intentionally snobby. She is nice to everyone, and doesn't think too bad of the others (except Heather, but that's after she's mean to Lindsay). That's another thing that I think might be helpful; show instead of tell. Almost every introduction had Chris summarizing the character. On Total Drama Island, Chris didn't say 'Gwen is goth', 'DJ is cowardly,' 'Heather is mean', etc. Usually they did a small banter between Chris or the other contestants, that showed but didn't state who they were. For example. With Wop's introduction. You tell us she's timid and shy, but instead you could show us. Perhaps she's shaking a bit, avoiding eye contact or biting her nails. You else have her say she's going over to make new friends. I think you could show that without saying it. You do this some of the time, but in some cases it feels really obvious. For example, Olivia's introduction shows us she's nice by basically everything she does, but it is established rather quickly and doesn't show any other clear personality traits. She is nice, but what else to her? The characters are all introduced rather quickly, getting about a two or three sentences of dialogue before we move on. Another good author here (Gideon) often says he feels that character introductions are often wasted opportunity. The earlier mentioned banter example is a good idea to expand it. It's also important to think about how they interact with each other. Back to Kasen, how will she talk to someone? Will she just keep talking about Chef Hatchet over and over? Is Tresh just gonna keep saying she's better? Is Badtameez just gonna keep insulting someone? Is Vic gonna just keep coughing? It's a good idea to think about interactions beforehand; who you think will be friends, rivals, enemies, in a relationship, etc. While you don't have to show these immediately once they get in the dock, it could spice up introductions. For example, in canon Geoff shows interest in Bridgette as soon as she arrives at the dock. However, you don't wanna resolve everything right then. Wop is described as shy, but then right away makes friends. It kind of feels too fast. Instead, perhaps someone could try to be friendly to her. She tries to be friendly back, but is a bit shy, so it doesn't work well. Going back to Geoff and Bridgette; Geoff doesn't ask her out right then, but his interest shows that story might go somewhere and reveals something about his character (he isn't shy or unconfident to go after her). It might be a good idea to plan significant relationships out, possibly write them down. So in summary here are some things: *Develop characters personality more and make them more complex. *Show don't tell *Develop interactions and use them to show not tell Now a bit of a more generic analysis. Like I said the characters were good. Your version of Chris Mclean is very funny; he's kind of like a man child and very desperate for fame. He was a bit irritable at times though, and he stole a lot more spotlight from the contestants. My favorite contestant would be between Desiree and Kasen. I'm a sucker for puns and jokes that only the teller finds funny (I didn't understand the knock-knock joke though) so Desiree won me over. Kasen did a good job of being a foil to Chris, but I am wary it could get out of hand. I did like the concept for Amake and think if it's kept fresh he'd be fun, and Shinji sounds really interesting too. I like he didn't want too much focus on himself, though throwing a ninja star isn't a good way to avoid that. And I find the idea behind Wop's name hilarious xD As for least favorites, Badtameez is a pretty unlikeable, and that was the point, but just obvious a jerk he was wasn't too fun to read. I don't know if you plan to have him as the antagonist (I kinda got the vibe, but I don't wanna assume) but with being so obviously nasty it doesn't seem like a good strategy. Olivia also kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Her character was generic. A problem you might face is that Olivia being defined has nice might make her seem like a mary sue. I don't think that is what you were going for, but others might. I wasn't crazy about Tresh; her lines just all being bragging was a bit annoying, especially without knowing any reason to back it up. I don't know how I feel about Kimi. She seemed friendly, but at points she did annoy me. But the worst to me, was Rex. He just wasn't funny to me, so his lines annoyed me. I also feel his character is so out there he'd get old, so he almost seems like an obvious early out. I'm not sure what you'd do with this character, unless tone him down. I hoped this review was helpful, and thank you for asking me to view it! I'm glad I did because it was funny and I enjoyed it. I think you have a lot of good ideas and potential, and I know there has been a lot worse. Everyone starts off with a few bumps but for your first fic, it's a great start ;) (Edit: I forgot to say two more things; 1. I don't think you finished ending your chapter. Another team wasn't officially announced and Chris didn't sign off. 2. I see you're going to have five teams. Just a word of warning; multiple teams means a lot splitting focus between teams and characters. It could also mean a lot more writing events for each team depending on the challenge and how much focus you wanna give each team. It might also cause some obvious eliminations. (I have three teams in my fic, though I have more characters so it isn't an even balance). 'Code Red. Code Red Mountain Dew. It was pretty popular back then. Some might argue that it's popularity usurped that of regular Mountain Dew. I would argue... ' 05:23, July 14, 2014 (UTC)